Find what you love…

I came across a quote the other day on Twitter:

“Find what you love and let it kill you.” – James Rhodes via The Guardian (UK)

It has stuck with me since. I keep saying it over and over again in my head.

You see, I wish I knew what that was for me. I never thought that at 25, almost 26, I would still be trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I can’t decide if my problem is that I love too many things and can’t settle on one, or if I just haven’t found the one thing that I love the most…enough to make a career, a life, out of it.

This is something that I try not to stress about too much. After all, I am still young. But when I look at those around me my age, they have a direction, they have a career, they have a degree…I don’t have any of that. (I have a job, yes. And a good one that I am blessed to have. I’m very thankful for my job and, for now, it’s fine. But it’s not something I see myself doing forever.) I took a break from college, and I want to go back. I want to get my degree. But in what? I want to get a degree in something that I’m actually going to use. So, until I figure out what that is…

I constantly rack my brain, and my heart, trying to figure out where I want my life to go. Trying to see the big picture. Trying to find my direction. But it’s either a blank or a jumbled-up mess that I can’t make heads or tails of. Am I supposed to write? Sing? Open a bookstore? Sell handmade items? Am I supposed to move to London and study art? Move to Tuscany or France and study under a chef? Start a non-profit and dedicate my life to eradicating poverty? I don’t know. I. Don’t. Know. It’s one of the most frustrating feelings, made even worse because I’m not exactly a patient person.

There are multiple reason why it frustrates me and stresses me out so much. One is that when I was a teenager, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew my road. I may not have known all the stops along the way, but I knew where I was headed. And now that’s completely gone. Another big thing is the loss of my dad. I mean, everyone knows that life, anyone’s life, can be over in an instant. But I didn’t really know that until all of the sudden, one of the people that I love the most, was ripped out of my life. When that happens, your whole outlook on changes. It really sunk in that there is no guarantee of tomorrow. And it made me realize that I don’t want to waste what time I have. That’s why I’m so desperate to find where I belong.  I want a life that has meaning. I want to have a purpose. I want to make a career for myself that let’s me shine through, that gives me an outlet for my creativity. I just can’t seem to find what that is.

This seems to always be on my mind, and when I saw that quote, I knew it was time to write about my struggle. Becuase the truth is, being directionless makes me feel lost most of time. Like I’m just floating. Waiting.

So pray for me, please. And if you aren’t religious, then send me guiding thoughts, I don’t know. I don’t really know what I need to help me. Maybe someone out there who reads this does. I hope so.



It’s Top Ten Tuesday Again!

Yes, it’s time for Top Ten Tuesday brought to you by The Broke and the Bookish!

This week is Top ten words/topics that instantly make me pickup or buy a book.

  1. If it’s got witches, vampires or anything else supernatural, I’m immediately interested.
  2. Time-travel, because I’m a history nerd and I would love to go back in time to experience things instead of just read about them.
  3. If the word “epic” is mentioned, it definitely peaks my interest.
  4. If it has anything to do with Ireland, Scotland or England, I’m in.
  5. If the subject matter can be considered “dark” my weird little brain starts doing cartwheels.
  6. The word “night” in the title will get me to pick up just about any book.
  7. Titles what seem to suggest a fantasy world.
  8. This is harder to explain, but if it seems to be thought-provoking or has a confusing or convoluted title, my interest is peaked.
  9. Thrillers and mysteries usually grab my attention.
  10. Fictional takes real historical events/people always gets me.

Now on to other news in the world of the sydney project:

I received my Cara Box from the lovely Cheltee yesterday! It’s very cute! She did good :). More on that will be posted tonight.

I’ve almost finished American Gods now, definitely should finish within the next few days. It saddens me that it’s ending :(. I’m loving it so very much. I’ve loved mythology since the 5th grade, when we studied Greek mythology, so a book that throws together gods from so many different mythological traditions & then spins those traditions and stories into something new – Right. Up. My. Alley. I still can’t fathom how I never read this book before now.

I made 4 cards last night, however, I can’t include pictures just yet. It was fun, but it ended up being quite the chore. It took me about 3 hours to get them all done. I watched The Avengers and part of The Voice while I was working on them, so it actually may have been a little longer than that. I’ve still got a few more to make, plus the surprise something for one of my friend’s birthday, but no rush on those. At least not yet. Then again, I’m really good at procrastinating (just ask my mom), so there very well could end up being a rush on them :).

On the health front, you may not believe this, but I find myself actually looking forward to exercising tonight. I think I might be sick. Or dying. Or loosing my mind…Scratch that last one, I lost my mind a loooong time ago. I have been doing very well with my eating. So far, with my pork roast I’ve had:

1) tacos with cilantro-lime quinoa & black beans,

2) a bowl made with the same things as above minus the taco shell, and

3) I made a wrap, with carb-smart, whole wheat small tortillas, again with the same ingredients. I also had a veggie burger last night with a side of lima beans instead of chips.

Tonight’s menu is either going to consist of  grilled chicken breast (possibly a grilled chicken sandwich?) or another pork wrap, but this time with the addition of avocado. Dessert/my snack for the evening – lime popsicle. I’m hopelessly addicted to them. It’s really hard for me to stick to just one, but I’m making myself. They’re just so good. Speaking of lime – lately–and maybe it’s the warmer weather, I don’t know–I have been craving the taste of lemon and lime. I find myself making food that I know I need/will want to add one of them to. Is that a weird craving to have?

Well, I think that’s all for now. Even though it’s not Wednesday, therefore not time for a music post, I still leave you with a short little playlist of M83 songs, just because I’ve can’t seem to stop listening to it. Enjoy!

Beard of Zeus!


Burning up the sun just to say goodbye.

tumblr_m6rnf9lMSz1rrm8k9  Still a little heartbroken, to be honest. I keep reliving it. It was definitely one of the many moments I’m really glad I live alone, so no one saw what a wreck I was.

This week is shaping up to be a great week, mainly because two great things are happening on Thursday: Baby Bivens is scheduled to make his debut and my mom & David are flying to Vegas to get married! I think it’s pretty amazing that those two things are happening (fingers-crossed on the baby side) on the same day. I’m taking it as a sign just because I can.

This week could be made even better if I win a contest to send me & a friend to London in September to visit Highclere Castle (the site of Downton Abbey), Selfidges & Kennsington. I have entered almost every day since December 29th. I would die of glee if I won.

As you may have noticed, I have a new blog theme :). I needed a change. I was bored with the one that I previously had. Sadly, the theme I REALLY wanted was too expensive at this juncture, but maybe in the near future. Who knows?

You may or may not know this about me, but I’m not a big beach person. I like it for a few days in the summer, because I do love to swim. But I get really tired of the heat & everything pretty quickly. I’m much more of a mountains/snow/rain kind of girl. Anyway, I came across an interview from GQ-UK (online) with the lovely and wonderful Tom Hiddleston, and I swear he took the words right out of my mouth – this describes me quite well. Great minds really do think alike:


“I belong where there are mountains and snow and clear, crisp blue skies.”

See? It does fit me. As if I needed yet another reason to love this man. 😉

In other news, it’s 89 degrees here in Stillwater, America. Yes. 89. This is way to close to summer weather for my liking. Can we go back to Spring, please? Is it really too much to ask to be done with Winter so I can really garden, while also not rushing into Summer?

Now for my weekend recap: it was a pretty successful weekend, if I do say so myself. I made a pork roast, I redecorated three wreaths, I taped several paint chips to my bedroom walls (and I am currently leaning towards a dark turquoise/teal color), cleaning, laundry, etc. I still have some crafting to do – I need want to make some more soap, I have three birthday cards, and a few Mother’s Day cards to start making, and a little something special for a friend whose birthday is coming up that is going to take some time to make, but I’m looking forward to it, because it’s going to be fun.

Now I’m done for today!

“Oh, Danny. This isn’t Russia. Is this Russia? This isn’t Russia, is it? I didn’t think so.”


The Doctor & Rose :(

Oh what fresh hell is this?

So I just now (finally) finished series 2 of Doctor Who…and spent at least 20 minutes after it was over trying to pull myself back together. I had been eating a popsicle while watching, which just ended up melting all over me because I was just bawling: and I mean real, snot-nose, can’t-catch-your-breath, blood vessels popping under your eyes, bawling. I haven’t cried that hard in months. I’m probably gonna look like hell in the morning. My eyes are so swollen I can hardly see. I’m heartbroken. Not exagerating.

This may be difficult for some people to understand – I know not everyone gets so emotionally involved with fictional charcters, but I damn sure do. It’s part of the nerd gene, among other things (like being an extremely emotional person in general who gets teary-eyed over dog food commercials). This is not the first time nor will it be the last. That I’m sure of.

I’m in desperate need of series 3 now, stat. I’m foolishly holding out hope, even though I’m pretty sure it’s futile.

In a masochistic turn of events, I will probably end up watching it again before the night is over. That’s how I roll. So if I show up to work tomorrow with my eyes swollen shut & I randomly start crying throughout the day…well, you know why.

“…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it…when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.” – John Green



Happy Sunday :).

I don’t know about where you are, but here, it’s going to be a very pretty day. And I have plans to cook, and maybe bake, and do some crafting. And reading and watching Doctor Who, of course.

Sadly, the rain is going to keep me from getting my planters boxes made, but I’m not complaining! Bring on the rain! I want to get my boxes done, but I want to soak up as much rain as possible before summer hits even more. Though I would prefer rain during the week instead of on the weekend.

Just a quick side note here – I’m watching last week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries while writing this, and talk about a bombshell! Spoiler alert: Klauss knocked-up the wolf girl I cant stand?!?!?!? Are you kidding me?!?!? I did not see that coming at all. I’m in shock right now.

American Gods is coming along nicely. I think I’ve only got about a fourth of the book left, and I’m going to be sad to see it end. But on the up side, I will be able to focus on Broken Harbor.

My spare bedroom is in much better condition now. I spent a good chunk of time working on it yesterday. The closet is in serious need of organizing since it’s a catch-all for anything & everything, but another time, another day. They walls really need some love, too. I’m not a white wall fan (if you’ve ever seen my house, you know this), and I don’t like big blank spots, so I’m going to have to figure out how to remedy that…soon. Unfortunately, my TV seems to be too old to have hookups for the DVD player, so I need to figure that out too. But, beyond that, it’s ready for exercising! Part of my crafting today will include an inspiration/fitness board to keep me going. I’m pretty excited. I’ve barely started and I already feel better. I think it’s just that I’m finally really doing it.

Also on the menu this lovely Sunday is taping paint chips all over my bedroom so I can finally find the right color. Because if I don’t, I’m going to loose my mind. I desperately want need my dream bedroom. Some of you know what I’m going for because you’ve seen my Pinterest, but for everyone else, here’s a better idea:


Wgen all is said and done, I will have my own little Gypsy Haven.

Now I’m off to enjoy my Sunday! And I hope you do the same :).

Doth mother know you wereth her drapes?


It’s finally Friday.

Thankfully, another slow work week has come to end.

And to make it even better, tonight is Girls’ Night at my house with Adriene, Tienna & Rebecca. Not our rescheduled sleepover, but the next best thing–dinner, games, movies—all manner of shenanigans, really.

An update on my American Gods progress: it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite all-time reads, not surprising, because Neil Gaiman is a wonderful, creative genius. I predict it’s going to be up there near The Historian by the time I finish it. I even got the 10th Anniversary edition of the audiobook (which is full cast!) to listen to at work. (Thanks Adriene for bringing this to me attention.) But I’m only going to listen up to the point where I’m reading. I don’t want to finish the book by listening to it, I want to finish by reading it. I’m hoping that the audiobook will get me thru until some concrete news about the upcoming TV series for HBO comes out. But I, like Mr. Gaiman himself, want it to be right, so patience is key…admittedly, not my strong-suit, but I’m trying, OK?!

What else is going on?

Wait…you mean you CAN’T see into my brain & read my mind? What kind of people are you?

Let’s see…I have a busy/fun/productive weekend planned including planter boxes, cleaning & organizing my spare bedroom and getting it set up to exercise in, cleaning out my car, and coming up with plans for a desk top to mount to my wall in my office. Oh, and finishing Series 2 of Doctor Who, since I didn’t get to last weekend. I also would like to finally pick a new paint color for my bedroom, but I’ve wanted that for oh, about 10 months now, and still no luck.

For some sad news, I just read that George Jones, country music legend, passed away Friday. He has always been one of my favorite traditional country artists, one that my dad & I would listen to often. I still have the cd my daddy burned for my with a bunch of traditional country he thought I would like, including my favorite George Jones song, “Golden Ring.”

Now, most who really know me know that I love to cook. And you should also know that I’m eating healthier. Food – healthy, tasty, delicious, fun food is important to me. I love being in the kitchen and creating something. One of my favorite chef’s (and Brits) is Jamie Oliver. His cook book Jamie at Home is a staple in my kitchen. It’s always on display because it has great ideas in it. And it’s all about eating in season, local, fresh, home-grown food. And that’s a huge goal for me. Less processed foods and more local, fresh foods.

Jamie is a pioneer in reforming the way that we, as a culture, eat…starting with kids. Ever heard of Food Revolution? Well, you should have. It’s Jamie Oliver’s campaign to start reforming food education and food options in our schools–giving kids the education to make better eating choices, to give them healthier and fresher options–as a way to combat the obesity epidemic we are facing in this country.

Why you should join the Food Revolution!

It’s a great thing to get involved with, and easy, too. May 17th happens to be this year’s Food Revolution Day, and you can go to the link above and check out some more info on it and find ways to get involved.

I’m off now to listen to Part 1 of American Gods, which I just spent an hour trying to download, & get back to work.


Music Wednesday, a movie trailer, radio play…

Hello again 🙂

Let’s get to things, shall we?

First off, for Music You Should Know Wednesday, I have for you a few songs from singer/songwriter Gregory Alan Isakov. I hope you enjoy!

Next, for my fellow nerdy people (or anyone who likes superhero movies), I have for you the first trailer for the upcoming Thor sequel! Again, I hope you enjoy (I know I did).

In Cara Box news, Krystal received her box (much faster than I expected) and she loved it, which made me happy. I can’t wait to get mine from Cheltee!

Today was Administrative Professionals Day, and our bosses (or a couple of them) treated us to lunch & dessert…my Greek pizza was delicious and I’m looking forward to finishing it for dinner tonight! Thank you Steve & Barden & the rest of OnCue!

I leave you with the only thing I have listened to all day today. I missed the original airing (since I don’t like in Great Britain & I wasn’t listening to BBC Radio online those days either) and I missed the postings online, BUT after about half an hour of searching, I FINALLY found all six episodes on SoundCloud. I was so happy when I did, I almost peed myself. I’ve never been much of an audiobook fan, they are usually too bland for me–one person reading for all the different characters drives me crazy because every character has their own voice in my head when I read. Anyway, radio play is like an audiobook on crack. It’s wonderful. Not that I’m saying crack is wonderful. It’s not. I mean I’ve never tried it, but I it’s not. Stay away from crack. Stay away from drugs period. Back to my point…audiobook on crack. This one just so happens to be read my James McAvoy, Benedict Cumberbatch, Natalie Dormer, Christopher Lee, and the list goes on. I highly recommend it.

I should probably tell you what I’m talking about, huh? 🙂 It’s the BBC radio play of Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. You should listen to it. Now. Really, you should. I have a feeling I will probably listen to all six episodes again tomorrow.

That’s it for me today!