Are you kidding me?!

h232DF585Today’s title is in reference to last nights episode of Game of Thrones. If you saw it, you will totally understand my anger and shock and heartbreak. I don’t want to give anything away, because I don’t want to spoil it for anyone (*cough* Adriene), but it was a complete WTF situation. And I’m pissed about it. I know I shouldn’t be, considering the nature of the show–it’s very similar to The Walking Dead in that no one is really safe–but come on! I said no spoilers, but this is kind of a spoiler though not really – someone dies, and that someone just so happened to be my 3rd favorite character on the show. And that’s saying something with so many great characters. I’m still fuming, and still heartbroken over our (by “our” I’m referring to my fellow GoT nerds) collective loss. If this happened this week, what the Westeros is going to happen on the finale next week?! I admit, I’m a bit nervous now. If my #1 and/or #2 die (which I don’t expect to happen but after last night, who knows)…it ain’t gonna be pretty.

Now that I have my GoT rant out of the way…

Things have been a little stressful for me as of late…not so much work-wise, just life-wise. Mostly money-wise, honestly. Not that I’m the only one who worries and stresses about money, I would say most people do, at least to some extent. I try not to worry or stress over it too much, I make what I make and I get by. Things could be much, MUCH worse. But lately it seems like the there are all of these things that need to be done that just keep piling up, one right on top of the other, and all of them cost money that I don’t really have to spend. Why can’t these things spread themselves out?

The last two weeks or so, I felt like the walls were caving in on me. I don’t feel quite that trapped this week, but I do still feel a bit trapped, with no foreseeable light at the end out tunnel. And I hate that feeling. I reminds of the darkest days of my depression, which is something I never want to experience again (though I carry the fear I will with me almost every day). Everything I try to earn a little extra money just never seems to work out. I’ve been trying to sell some shoes, 3 pairs, for about 2 months–eBay, Craigslist, the county barter group on Facebook–and no luck. I almost had one pair sold but she backed out on my at the very last minute. Admittedly, they are a little pricey, but I keep lowering the price to try and sell them and still nothing. Now I’m to the point where if I lower then much more, I might as well give them away. I’ve got 2 or 3 days left on their current eBay auctions, so say a little prayer/cross your fingers that they actually sell this week.

I really debated with myself about posting this…it’s not something I like to talk about at all, much less put out there for the world (albeit very small portion of said world) to see. But that’s part of the purpose for this–to get things out–and it’s much easier for me to write about it, when I can pretend that I’m writing to some anonymous penpal (like in Perks), than it is for me to actually speak about it.

But I’m trying to stay positive–like I said, it could be so much worse–other than my mortgage and my student loans, I don’t have any major debt, my house, my car, all of my possessions have survived the nightmarish outbreaks of bad weather Oklahoma has seen, and all of my friends and family have, too. I count myself as blessed for that. This is just one of life’s challenging times, right? And if I could live through losing my dad, I can make it through this. Talk about putting things into perspective. And I have things to look forward too – I’m exploring several degree programs because I really want to actually graduate college at some point in the near future. And I’ve been giving some serious thought to a few of my even bigger dreams (you’ll just have to savour the mystery in this case, because I’m not sharing details any time soon). Plus, True Blood is about to start again, and I just upgraded my satellite package so that I now get BBC America – and it’s only $5 more a month, not $15 like I originally thought because, apparently, I’ve lost the ability to add and subtract even though I do it all day long. It kind of made my day because BBC/BBC America if chock-full of all kinds of awesomeness (thinks Doctor Who, The Nerdist show, Top Gear, honestly, the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on and on…

This turned into a much longer post than I originally planned.

And on that note, Kirk out.

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