I Choose Tomorrow.

Today is an important day; a day about awareness, truth, hope, and choice.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

I’ve had this day marked on my calendar for over a month, ever since I got the first email TWLOHA sent out on August 12th. I marked it down that day, intending to start writing something early on and continuing to work on it and perfect it in the weeks leading up to September 10th.

But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I sat down several times – in front of the computer, on my phone, with pen and paper…but I couldn’t put even a single word down. Fear gripped me. Because there are parts of my struggle with depression that I have never shared, things that I may never be able to put into words. As I type this now, I see that blue “Publish” button looming in the bottom right corner of the page, and I’m not sure I can click it when I’m finished.

But today is a day to set aside fear.

There are still so many misconceptions about depression and mental illness in general, primarily that depression equates sadness. But that’s not really it, not in my experience. Hopelessness. That’s what depression boils down to for me. And hopelessness is far worse than sadness.

You know those inspirational quotes you see all the time, saying something along the lines of “you just have to choose to be happy?” It hate those, because it’s just not that simple for me. I can’t always choose to be happy or joyful or even content, but one thing I can choose is this: no matter how hopeless I may feel, I can choose to be here tomorrow.

One of my favorite people I’ve never met, Jenny Lawson a.k.a The Bloggess, says it best: depression lies. And that has become my mantra. I repeat it over and over to myself when I get lost in the throws of my depression. And when my thoughts begin to go to the worst possible places, those two words help lead me back to the things and the people that will bring me back to myself.

Depression and mental illness are real issues that millions of people live with every day. LIVE with. That’s the key.

So make your choice: choose the day-to-day struggle, and choose to be here tomorrow. Because you’re story isn’t finished yet.

Adopt a Shelter Pet Day

In celebration of Adopt a Shelter Pet Day, here are a few recent pictures of my kids! Each one is a rescue, and each one–while often a pain in the ass–has made my life so much better. I can’t imagine not having them to greet me when I come home each day, or to snuggle with when it’s cold or when I’m feeling down. They are my babies & I would do anything for these crazy, obnoxious, four-legged kids!

Ellie May, aka ‘The Brat’

Duke Seamus, my poor, blind snuggler.

And my protective giant, Buster Jacob.

Adulthood.

Don't grow up.

Being an adult kind of sucks sometimes. Most of time, it seems. And maybe it feels that way to me, because I don’t think I’m very good at adulting. (It’s a word, I swear, regardless of what spell check tries to tell you. It’s even the title of a book.) I have felt stuck for the last several years, in some weird limbo-like state fueled by depression and terrible eating habits and laziness.

But things are starting to change. I’M changing, or growing, however you want to put it. I honestly think my mom kind of kicked things off for me, I think it was around Thanksgiving, though it doesn’t matter when exactly it was. She simply told me that things were going to be different for me this year, that they were going to get better. And, surprise, surprise, mom was right. Go ahead and gloat a little, Mama, I think you deserve it this time. 🙂

Me #adult #unicorn

At 27.5 years of age, I feel like I’m finally starting to become a adult. It’s happening slowly, but one step at a time, right?! My mum should be so proud! (Hey, at least it’s happening before I hit 30!) Major adulthood milestone recently achieved: I finally opened a savings account and set up regular deposits. I KNOW, go me! 10 POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR!

I was planning on a short, two-sentence post, and now it’s grown into this. Maybe it’s the start of a new phase of writing? I won’t say one way or another, their’s no reason for commitment. I think I’ll just go with the flow.

QOTD: A bruise in your mind.

grid-cell-24570-1427466570-25

from The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides. (image via Buzzfeed)

Pictures from my weekend with the Gilmore Girls!

Gilmore Girls, Part 2!

I took quite a few pictures of my nieces this past weekend (it’s only natural), and while many of them are very similar, I’m still going to share them all! And some of them are a little dark, but editing them only made them look worse…Seriously, are they not the most precious little things you have ever seen?!

Conclusion: they are perfect. The End.